15) ‘Let me not to the marriage of two stars admit impediments —
except for prenups, Scientology and a complete lack of sexual chemistry.’ 

14) ‘When thou cravest her and thy balls be blue,
To thine own self be true — if thou knowest what I meaneth.’ 

13) ‘I seek to find those amongst thee as have released the canine beasts.’ 

12) ‘If the glove fitteth not, acquiteth you must.’ 

11) ‘Out, out damn spot! Lord Starr doth this way come!’ 

10) ‘In gold cannot my love for thee be wrought. Hark! Thy pimp approacheth!’ 

9) ‘No pickle, no lettuce — shall onion be next?
By orders most special we ne’er are vexed.
To our humble servility, pray you, defer!
Permit us to serve thee as thou dost prefer.
Have it thy way…’ 

8) ‘Oh, what a tangled web we surf,
For pics of Britney’s astroturf.’ 

7) ‘If you need your life upended,
Twist that dial and all is mended.
The Rage and Demons battle o’er hell…
See it, hear it, feel it — the XFL!
(Tonight on UPN at 8, 7 central)’ 

6) ‘Prick us, do we not bleed? Kick the guy next
to us in the nads, do we not laugh mightily?’ 

5) ‘Man, that’s going to leave a scar. You okay, Julius?
Julius? Quick, grab his wallet, I’ll get his sandals.’ 

4) ‘Hath not a spud eyes? And, too, a dark spot
that you really should cut out before cooking?’ 

3) ‘Good Friar Laurence, bear witness
Of this potion thou hast given me —
Will’t rest upon mine posterior
And lik’n’t unto that of an ox?’ 

2> ‘Is that a dagger I see before me,
Or art thou just glad to see me?’ 

and the Number 1 Least-Quoted Line from Shakespeare…

1) ‘What fools these portals be — and I, their investor!’ 

Copyright 2000 by Chris White 

Tags : humorlist

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