15) ‘There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio — hey, donuts!’

14) ‘Begone, jackanapes — we have no need for badges reeking of the waste of monkeys.’ 

13) ‘If damned Spot had been put out before nightfall, methinks the floor would be dry and sweeter fragranced anon.’ 

12) ‘Address thy discourse to the elbow, for mine hand careth not.’ 

11) ‘I beg thee, sirrah, gather up thy tongue; ’tis Pat Morita at which you gaze — not Connie Chung.’ 

10) ‘What ho, good lord! To what end dost thou employ’st thy time upon this goodly planet?’
‘Lo; as I partake in observance of this most excellent spectacle of sport, I do most heartily raise a vessel of ale and quaff it thus.’
‘Verily, verily…’ 

9) ‘O insolent chad, most feebly attach’d, how thy dimpled visage doth confound noble intention!’ 

8) ‘Come, pull my finger; so that thou may’st see That silent things may also deadly be.’ 

7) ‘A wiffle ball hit into Hamlet’s crotch is the soul of wit.’ 

6) ‘A horse! A horse! Of course… of course…’ 

5) ‘We are such stuff as dreams are made of
Where thy final exams commence without thy knowledge
And thou lookest down to find thyself bereft of pantaloons.’ 

4) ‘My deeds would go unpunish’d, but for you,
Ill-mannered meddling kids, and Scooby Doo!’ 

3) ‘I have defeated the French at Agincourt this Crispian’s Day, and hence shall hie me to Disneyworld.’ 

2) ‘Thou killed my father
To get to my mother,
But here is the ringer:
Thou can bloweth me, Chester —
I’ll see thee on ‘Springer.” 

and the Number 1 Least-Quoted Line from Shakespeare…

1) ‘Cry ‘havoc,’ and let loose the Chihuahuas of inconvenience.’ 

Copyright 2000 by Chris White 

Tags : humorlist

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