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16) The ceremony is spoiled by the insistent beeping from the bride’s ankle cuff.

15) You’re forced to exchange vows from separate rooms because of that week-old restraining order. 14) The bride’s father gets his feelings hurt when her pimp insists on giving her away. 13) Even though he’s sitting in the front row, you still don’t remember the Grim Reaper being on the guest list. 12) At the end of the ceremony, Reverend Jones proposes a Kool-Aid toast. 11) Your bride enthusiastically shouts, “I do!” Unfortunately, it’s when the priest asks if anyone objects to the marriage. 10) The ceremony starts in 20 minutes and you’re still fighting over who gets to wear the dress. 9) “Do you take this man, Scott Peterson, to be your….” 8) When the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy crew shows up to help plan the upcoming honeymoon, your fiance becomes alarmingly smitten with Carson the fashion savant. 7) “Something blue” is Grandma. Better call 911. 6) After greeting your bride by name, the honeymoon hotel clerk asks if she wants the room for the whole night this time. 5) Something old? Check.
Something new? Check.
Something borrowed? Check.
Something blew? Chuck, the best man. 4) You spot Ron Jeremy sitting on the bride’s side of the church. 3) The groom refuses to put on the ring on your finger, saying, “Not the Preciousssss!” 2) Saying your vows extemporaneously was going great until you drew a blank on a rhyme for “clitoris.”

and the Number 1 Sign Your Wedding Day Isn’t Going Well…

1) You can’t seem to find your tuxedo pants. But even if you could, the wedding is in Nebraska and you’re handcuffed to a dominatrix in Singapore.

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