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16) Writing your wedding vows in Klingon seemed like such a cool idea at the bachelor party.

15) During the toast, when the bride’s father refers to his daughter as “pure and virtuous,” you laugh and blow champagne out your nose. 14) Sure, it rains at some outdoor weddings, but hellfire and brimstone? 13) The bride figurine atop the wedding cake? A fluffy white sheep.
Your pissed-off bride? A goat. 12) Getting married at Graceland seemed like a good idea, but you didn’t count on that annoying spinning sound coming from Daddy’s grave. 11) The ring bearer keeps dropping the bride’s glass eye. 10) Your wedding planner convinced you to forgo a traditional reception in favor of a more contemporary “flash-mob reception.” 9) Traditional wedding: rice.
Your wedding: scorpions. 8) As soon as your vows are complete, Anna Nicole “accidentally” kicks over your ventilator. 7) Your bride keeps on telling you that it’s unlucky to see her *after* the wedding. 6) Your vows are to love, honor, obey, remember to feed Bubbles and the llamas every night, and keep up the subscription to “NAMBLA Illustrated.” 5) You can’t get the ceremony started because the altar keeps bursting into flames whenever your fiancee approaches it. 4) Mid-ceremony, the priest whips out a chicken foot and begins to sprinkle yak urine on the bride. 3) “Do you, CuteBabe19, take BigGuy23– damn, the server’s down again!” 2) One hour before the big “I do,” you realize there’s a bridesmaid you haven’t nailed.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Wedding Day Isn’t Going Well..

1) You broke three bones in your hand in an altercation with photographers, your bride split the seam of her Vera Wang when she sat down, and now that little turd Matt Damon can’t find the friggin’ ring.

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